Fate: Make it Work

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Make it Work

"You think yours is the one that's going to make it"

- Grey's Anatomy

Well obviously you do. You always want it to work out, you want that happily-ever-after. You always do.

But how on earth do you make it work?

Communication.

That’s all it really comes down to, doesn’t it?

For it to work, you have to say things out loud. Because no matter how similar or dissimilar two people are, or how long they’ve known each other, no one can read minds. So irrespective of how harsh, hurtful or selfish it sounds in your mind, you have to find the courage from somewhere inside you, and say what you want as simply as you possibly can to the one that matters. It’s the only way.

But sometimes saying things out loud can hurt you, it can end relationships because words once spoken can’t be taken back. So a statement said to spite someone, something hurriedly uttered in anger or a sarcastic jibe can just spell doom.

So what then?

How do we know when to say and when not to? How do we know what the right thing to say is? How can we possibly know?

So at the end of the day, life comes down to this gamble? This matter of chance and luck, that what you say won’t hurt the other person? That the two of you won’t be selfish and mad on the same day? That one of you will have the good sense to step back and stay silent?

How does it work?

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It's all about lines.

The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a chance at the operating table, and then there’s the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with.

It doesn’t help to get too familiar, to make friends. You need boundaries, between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It’s all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them.

At some point you have to make a decision.
Boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in.
Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.

Here's what I know, if you're willing to take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

-Grey’s Anatomy
Season One, Episode Two- The First Cut is the Deepest

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.
Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have, for what it is.
Appreciating small victories.
Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human.

Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.

At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

-Meredith Grey
Season Two, Episode Nine- Thanks for the Memories

"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer.
Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself.
And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. And as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want. "

"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope. Against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope. "

-Grey's Anatomy

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy.

Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to the state of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were.

Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full.

Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.

-Grey's Anatomy
Season Six, Episode Twenty Two- Shiny Happy People

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull.

So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them.

The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

-Grey's Anatomy
Season 3, Episode 10- Dont Stand So Close to Me

In the eighth grade my English class had to read Romeo and Juilet. Then for extra credit, Mrs. Snyder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scafarillo was Romeo. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot.

For starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can’t have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play choice sometimes goes out the window.

At the ripe old age of 13 I was very clear that love like life is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it’s so romantic, Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got.

Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay.

I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was grown up, I'd take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and that if I did, we'd be together forever.

Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending...most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions... fate wins anyway.

-Grey's Anatomy
Season Two, Episode Eight- Let It Be