In Dire Need of Desire

“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. And as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want.”
- Grey’s Anatomy- Season 3, Episode 21- Desire

Desire is heart wrenchingly heartbreaking. Desire can’t be ignored or avoided. You can’t have a polite conversation with it and then say your goodbyes. You simply can’t go your separate ways and act as though nothing ever happened. You can’t pretend to be just ‘good friends’ with it. Desire isn’t a One Night Stand. Desire never leaves. And when you know you want something, Life almost always makes sure that you don’t get it. At least not right away. Because one of the biggest lessons that life attempts to teach us is that we need to wait for things. And I’m no good at that. No good at all. And as much as I hate it, I know I have to.

I think I finish people’s sentences to rush things~ to finish it all quickly, to put an end to everything. I’m always in this hurry, in this rush to get somewhere else. I don’t know why I’m in such a rush to get to the end, especially since the end quite obviously is Death. I forward tv shows, I hate stupid advertisements that waste the time even though I love advertisements, I can’t sit around waiting for 5 days for people I love to visit, I can’t be patient enough to wait for one week for a show to be telecasted. I want it all, and I want it all now.

But you can’t always get what you want or what you need all the time, on time. Life sadly is nothing like IndiGo and their promise. If anything, Life doesn’t work that way. It has its own inexplicable and bizarre way of serving us things and more often than not, we never really get what we truly want. It has its own timeline and its own whims and fancies and there isn’t a thing anyone of us can do about it. And that’s a reality we all have to live with I suppose. It just comes down to accepting it and moving the hell on.

Desire is difficult but it makes your life worth living. Because when you don’t know what it is that you truly want, you wander around wasting the best part or the most part of your Life looking for what it is that you truly love. Without desire you’re aimless, without a purpose, lost. Desire makes you want to fight back. It makes you want to get up at 6 in the morning and get to class. Or as the case may be stay up till 5 in the morning to write. It makes you read stupidly intelligent and annoyingly good books. Desire makes you achieve. It makes you spout sentences at 3 in the morning because you’re in that kind of a mood. It’s an altogether different story that it kills you in the process, shredding bits of your soul and breaking you and your self esteem and crushing your heart along the way.

Desire propels you. It’s that driving force we all are in dire need of. It makes life worth living. Because what fun would life be if we weren’t struggling a little bit, if we weren’t dying a little bit?

So bring it on 2011. Because I know exactly what I want and I know I can be happy.

Pinnacle Shall Run

"You want me to what?” I asked, stunned.
“Not you. Pinnacle”, he said matter of factly. I rolled my eyes. It was my favourite pastime these days. “Can you explain what exactly you want Pinnacle to do Karan?” I emphasised each word because really, he was annoying.
“Please?” he stressed, smiling.
“Karan” JS glared.
“Please” I said, not smiling at all.

“All right then. I think it’s crucial for Pinnacle to acquire GFG as a client. First of all, it will do wonders for Pinnacle as an agency. Two, it is great for SRP which is a part holder of Pinnacle because we’ll be in the know of what his moves and plans are, and also of his deals with other airlines. Three, since this idea comes from SRP, maybe the revenue earned could be used to buy back shares held by SRP easing the cash flow problem. Four, if he does become Pinnacle’s client, then we could strike a deal with him, and swing things in our favour.” He looked so smug, so pleased with himself and his great ideas, which by the way weren’t great at all, it aggravated me even more. This meeting was traumatic enough for me as it is. I mean we were supposed to be voting on selling Pinnacle. How could he barge in and bring up something that wasn’t even on/in the agenda? I suppose he could, because he was a part owner and he was Karan after all, but it was still bloody unfair. I realised he was looking at me for a reaction, like most others in the Boardroom, so I stopped the mental rambling and began the verbal one.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea at all. One, you shouldn’t be talking about a company’s reputation and image I think considering how you are jeopardizing yours. Two, since when does Pinnacle do what SRP tells it to? Three, you want us to buy back our own shares? Are you crazy? How is that good for our image? Four, it’s not a cash flow problem as much as it’s a cash crunch one. Five, wasn’t one ‘good’ deal enough that you want one more? Six, whatever happened to Client Confidentiality? Oh wait I have more to say, seven, wasn’t this supposed to be a meeting on voting to sell Pinnacle?”
“Come on. Be a little open to his ideas. We can decide in a little while.” Vishal’s efforts to calm me down failed as always, but only because Karan had to add, “You’re problem is that you can’t deal with change. You can’t accept anything new; can’t think beyond what you’ve already thought of. You can’t change your mind once you’ve made it up and you don’t let anyone else change it for you.”

His eyes told me that he wasn’t talking only about the BOD meeting, but I brushed those thoughts away. “You think I’m incapable of accepting change? I just agreed to leave the agency to become a negotiator at SRP. I just agreed to give up my damn job which FYI I love very much. And I just agreed to give up my company to save yours and you tell me I’m incapable of change? That’s rich.”
His voice rose, and now we were both screaming at each other, “Yeah I say that because you don’t even want to spend a few minutes analyzing my suggestion which by the way is a good one.”
“If I didn’t analyze it Karan, how do you think I came up with my seven points of concern?” I lowered my voice, wanting this argument to end. I was fed up and I was also regretting my choice of words.
Quite obviously he didn’t want the same, “Seven points of concern? You ripped it apart and don’t try to deny that and please don’t disguise it as concern. Is there honestly nothing redeeming about it?”
“Karan…”
“Yes or no? Is there nothing redeeming about it?” He insisted I answer, and I did, “There is. But…”
He cut in, “Then I think it is worthy of a few more minutes of discussion. Let’s hear what the others think of it.” He turned and looked at Vishal and JS, both of whom seemed extremely tired of our constant bickering, which had escalated from being on a monthly basis, to a daily or even an hourly one.

JS looked at Vishal and then said, “Why don’t we all listen to a little more about Karan’s idea and then we can take a call on what we want to do?” He looked at me with a reassuring glance, that seemed to say that everything will be okay though for the life of both of us, we didn’t know how. Karan walked over towards the big screen and one of his many assistants, -Yes, of course he had an entourage. Why would you even doubt/question that? - started the ppt. I was irritated again. He didn’t have the time to talk to me, no wait he practically ran away from me, but he had the time to make fancy floral powerpoint presentations for his stupid senseless supposed ‘solution’. Men, I thought, mentally rolling my eyes. Okay they weren't floral, but I hate presentations.

He began his presentation with a charm and a style best suited to award show hosts. The title slide of the PPT had GFG’s picture and a picture of a target. Juvenile much?
“As is quite clear by the illustration, I believe GFG must be our next target. We must try everything we can to get him as a client; it must be our foremost objective and I will give a detailed explanation of every reason why I believe so. Firstly ever since the announcement of his new invention – the Green fuel which was made ten days ago, he has been in the news world over constantly. He has refused most interviews, and is being very secretive, to add to the mystery I suppose and sources say that he does not have one official representative yet. It is rumoured that he is planning a press conference next week and it is crucial for Pinnacle to get in touch with him somehow or the other before that happens. The Pinnacle connection most importantly will help Shall Run Planes in obtaining information about his dealings with other airlines and his plans for the future and we can certainly hope to get an advantage when it comes to signing a deal with him.”

I sighed softly and began doodling again. It was hard to listen to things I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be a part of this meeting in the first place and now thankful though I was to him, for postponing the voting, I still wasn’t thankful enough to want to listen to all the nonsense he was spouting. I wasn’t thankful enough to even want to listen to figure out if it was nonsense or not, just like my thoughts currently.
Less than a minute later Vishal pulled the pencil away, “You know you want to listen. Don’t be stubborn.”
I whispered back, “It’s not being stubborn Vishal. I’m just so tired. It hasn’t been an easy day; it hasn’t been an easy decision. I spent the last two days oscillating/vacillating between both our choices for the vote, unable to stick to one decision, and that’s ridiculous because I’m the one who suggested the sale.”
“It isn’t ridiculous at all. And I know how much Pinnacle means to you, but you should accept the fact that it is an equally difficult decision for all of us as well. And Karan is trying to help, even though I know it doesn’t feel that way. His approach may be wrong, but he means good. So listen.”

I smiled at him. He was right, like always. At some point in the five years I had known him, he had matured so much. He knew what to say when and how to get all of us to cooperate. He just knew. He had grown up. And we, me and Karan, we were the same- two stupid people who'd never be able to figure it out.
Karan stopped his speech abruptly and said, “I don’t know why you aren’t listening but you should. This is a good thing. I’m trying to save Pinnacle.”
Vishal jumped to my defence, “She had a doubt about his next conference. We were sorting it out Karan. Just go on with it.”
But of course he couldn’t let go, “Do you realise how good this will be for Pinnacle’s image? Leave aside Shall Run for a minute. Keeping SRP apart, this guy is the client to have right now. Do you have any idea what it will do for the company? Because this guy is huge right now and you cannot not capitalize on that. If you get him, Pinnacle is set, for life!” He looked at me, stressing on the parts where it was awesome for Pinnacle.
I wasn’t falling for the bait, “Do you have any idea how bloody controversial this is going to be?” I know I could have been nicer, but I’m me and it had been an incredibly long and painfully annoying day.
He chose to respond with the clichéd, “Any publicity is good publicity.”
“I have never advocated that.” Two could play the matter-of-factly game, I suppose.
“But I have.” He grinned.
“Clearly.” I snorted, and I ended up rolling my eyes again. There wasn’t a week where he wasn’t in the news for some crappy thing or the other. Generally most gossip revolved around his many 'Plus Ones' to every social do he attended and how long those 'relationships', if you can call them that, lasted. So I wasn’t surprised to hear him advocating any publicity is good publicity. No, I'm not jealous. Honestly.

He continued, unaware of what was going on in my mind. “Anyway moving on, I would like to point out the fact that the biggest advantage Pinnacle has right now is the fact that we haven’t been chasing him and hounding him like most other agencies and media units. That might raise the respect he has for us. We must go after him strongly but he mustn’t realise that. To him it should look like a soft, bordering-on-disinterested, we-are-awesome approach.”
Oh so he was framing strategies now? Acquiring-Client Strategies? Who did he think he was? JS seemed to have read my mind or maybe he just had the same opinion, because he cut in, “Karan, no strategies now. We just need you to illustrate why you think this is a good idea and you’ve done that. Strategies can wait till we actually reach a decision on the implementation.”
He obviously didn’t seem to mind his father’s interruption. Father-son bonding had reached a new level these days. Sometimes it seemed like they were programmed to work the same way, react the same way and that was a recent development. JS added, “If you have anything else to say about this Karan, now would be the time.”

“I’d like to end by stressing on a very important point again- Separating Pinnacle and SRP, that is irrespective of SRP and its troubles, you have to admit that he” Karan paused for effect, and pointed at the screen which was now displaying a big blown up picture of GFG, and then continued, “is definitely an asset for Pinnacle, that is if they can get him.” That last bit was obviously aimed at me, even though he was pointedly looking away. His attempts at trying to manipulate or coerce me in the disguise of a challenge failed because I wasn’t as stupid as he thought I was, even in times like this when I couldn’t think. Or maybe he just wanted me to think I was challenging him so I would get irritated. Okay I’m over thinking this again. That was my problem where he was concerned.
JS then got up and ended the meeting by postponing the final decision to the evening because we all (read me) needed time to think about the new developments. The BOD was set to meet at 6 again and in the meantime we were asked to forget everything else but Pinnacle, GFG and Shall Run Planes’ approaching and sadly rather inevitable crisis. Karan and JS left together, involved in a rapid, serious discussion presumably revolving around the GFG and any developments that may have taken place in the last 6 hours.

Vishal, Shekhar, Sanjana and a very subdued me walked away from the room. A gamut of emotions had taken my brain hostage, and I didn’t have it in me to process what the others were saying. The relief and the joy at not having to sell Pinnacle, at least not now had taken complete control of me.
And if only I had known what lay ahead, I would have sold Pinnacle that very moment.

Breaking My Heart - One Ad at a Time

There's a reason I havent written anything in SO long-
Its December and the end of another year and what a year at that. Oh and its an end of a decade as well. Sigh. Depressing, I know, I know. I remember New Years Eve 1999 and the excitement about a new millennium! And now, ten years are done. And my life refuses to slow down. Its just as obstinate as I am apparently.

I don't remember most of my life clearly but I do know this- Every year I write/think about how time flies by and I can't believe it. How is it December already? Blah Blah. This year I'm not. I'm NOT going to say time flew by, cause I know it does. And also simply cause I really just don't want to think of the future and what it holds for me. I refuse to. And I happen to be rather distracted as well.

So this December, I'm just doing what I love- After one week of watching ads painstaking I've come up with my list of the top ten for this year-

The Cadbury Shubh Arambh ads takes top place for its sheer simplicity and the use of the quintessential Hindi movie hero dialogue-"Maa kehti hai shubh kaam karne se pehle meetha khana chahiye" in the most endearing and innocent way possible. It makes you smile.

Its not been over displayed on channels so it does retain its novelty and uniqueness even months later. I know I stop and watch. Its young, fresh and raw. They found faces that seem like you and me, just anyone. And that strikes a chord instantly.The other Shubh Aarambh one- the girl running away from home brings tears to my eyes every time I see it. I swear. Yes, I'm crazy, but it is heartwrenchingly good. And I've seen it a hundred times at least. I dunno what it is. But this campaign just tugs at the heartstrings, leaves u with a warm feeling, wanting so much more!

The other ad I never get tired of watching is the Tanishq ad. Because yes, even after a 100 years, men will NOT understand how a woman's mind works. They arent supposed to in any case. And jewelry as exquisite as that, is motivation enough of think of marriage. Truly. Again, it wasnt flashed on my tv screen every ten minutes irrespective of what show I was watching, which is why I love it.

Times of India- Aman Ki Asha- what an ad, what a cause! It brought tears to my eyes every single time I saw it, more so because I do genuinely believe that people can live happily together no matter what. And they make a reference to SRK in the ad. How could anyone NOT love this ad?

Just for how annoying it is, Bingo. And that's all I'll say on the subject. Flip it :P

Coke- The new one with Imran Khan and the shadow play is fascinating for its concepts, and reminds me of their earlier Strange Love ad. The theme, styling and feel is very similar. Plus its Imran. :) Its new, smooth and slick. Very urban. Its the beginning of a change in the way products will be advertised.

The Vodafone zoozoos came and revolutionized Indian advertising! I've never seen so much variety, so much innovation and good humour in one campaign. And I've also never heard of an ad character becoming so popular that months after these ads stopped appearing on tv, people would throng markets to buy memorabilia- t shirts, cups and what not!

Tata Sky Plus- I don't like Aamir. I think he's tooo perfect. But these ads- what sheer creativity and talent. Wow!

Idea- Every single ad of theirs makes me say what an idea sirjee! I smile, take a few moments to let the ad sink in and then just wonder where all their ideas come from. Some beautiful campaigns- the elections, education for everyone, efficiency in facilities and services, saving the trees, and language-no-bar. How do the do it? How can they possibly make so many fantastic, heartbreakingly good campaigns in ONE year? How can they be so intelligent when it comes to their ads, so Indian, so rooted and so unique?

Airtel- because SRK had to be on this list without a doubt. How long does it take to tell someone you love them? How long does it take to say you're sorry? A couple of seconds? Yes.
 
Indigo On Time and Blackberry- They're both very modern ads, specifically targeting a younger group. The Blackerry tagline- Do what you love, love what you do is pure genius, and shows the changing face of this once-upon-a-time-reserved-for-snooty-businessmen phone. The Indigo On Time Campiagn talks about their USP- something we all want to be- On Time.

So yeah. I wish I had done at least ONE of these ridiculously heartbreakingly awesome ads. Which is why, for once, I look forward to the future. Really!

Ahem.

The DogHouseDiaries- Such good stuff! And generally so bloody true :)

Why I Write

Ever saw a movie and wished you were the lead character, swooping in and saving the day? The superhero that silently and broodingly saved all of Gotham city? Have you ever wished that the show you’re watching was your life? Ever read the newspaper and wished that that person was you? Ever wanted someone’s story to be yours?

Have you ever read a book and wished you were that girl- the one who said all the right things. Ever read a recipe and wished you were the cook? (Saw a tv show and wanted donuts- yes,yes, yes)

We all wanna be someone else. Do the things they’ve done, live their lives, have their stories to tell, and be applauded for that. We’ve all at some point wanted to step into other peoples shoes- irrespective of how uncomfortable or how hot those shoes are. Be it something small and simple like- saying the right thing to someone or bringing a smile to a person’s face or even scoring a goal.

We’ve all wanted to be someone else, at some point of time.

And me, I’d like to be Anuja Chauhan.

She made the lives of a zillion girls a zillion times better by writing the wickedly funny and hugely romantic “The Zoya Factor” – All’s fair in love – and cricket! (Now being made into a movie by SRK, who is a character in TZF! Sigh!) She gave us Zoya- chubby, with short hair and lots of spunk; the girl with an attitude, who waged a war with the Indian Cricket Captain- Nikhil Khoda- over a belief in luck, which was so much entertainment. When I read that book, I thought she could never top that, it was the best thing anyone had ever written in a very long time and yet I waited patiently and prayed and hoped that her next release would hit stores in the same year.

I was wrong on both counts-

It took her 3 years to write and publish her second book, and when I saw it, as a review in the Wow Magazine, I was disappointed. I swore I wasn’t going to buy it, because it was such a waste. Fifteen minutes later I went to Landmark, quite by chance actually, and coincidentally the first book I saw happened to be on the ‘New Releases’ shelf- ‘Battle For Bittora’ I picked it up, against my will, and looked at the cover (magazines don’t do it justice) and then I knew instantaneously that I was going to buy it and I was going to treasure it. Talk about serendipity.

A day later- here I am- gushing about it. And, thanking her, on behalf of all of womankind, for giving us the incredibly sexy and sinful Zain Altaf Khan. (Hereafter referred to as ZAK) ‘Battle for Bittora’ is unputdownable, not just because the aforementioned ZAK is wickedly sexy, and her words make him come alive right before your eyes, or because she uses her words so well that ZAK turns out to be this sinful, absolutely witty and a delightfully charming man but also because the war between him and Sarojini Devi Pande, (hereafter referred to as Jinni) is so charged, so crackling with chemistry and so passionate- you can feel the electric currents between them- in their love and their hate- and all their making out sessions in between a Lok Sabha election campaign, in which they’re both standing, for an MP seat, from Bittora, against each other obviously. Hence the name ‘Battle for Bittora’.

Its’ so beautifully penned, that you can’t let go of it. Both the dialogues and the emotions aid the storyline, or the plaaan, and make this book a riveting read. Both protagonists are witty, stubborn and passionate. Jinny, is the typical girl, confused and obstinate, and in love with her childhood friend- the boy she shared her first kiss with- ZAK- who disappeared from her life, only to return 9 years later to contest an election against her.

Apart from the necessary ingredients of a regular rom-com such as a boy and a girl who are madly in love and hate each other, disapproving grandmothers, annoying friends, potential boyfriend, and a flashback to a childhood romance, BFB also has an Indian election campaign- which gives it so much more masala. Caricatures of the sleazy politician, the greedy politician, the opportunist, the loyalist, the cunning opponents, the crazy grandmother and her excellent Hinglish add so much to this book, making it engaging and sharp.

BFB- you enriched my life, truly. You made me grin, wipe a few tears away, clutch my heart and take lots of deep breaths; you made me sigh, you made me laugh like I haven’t in a long time and more than anything else, you left me with a smile, once I had turned the last page over.

Yes, it’s no ‘Gone with the Wind’, or ‘The Godfather’, or ‘Catch-22’, but ‘Battle For Bittora’ is a compelling read, a book that won’t be forgotten anytime soon. And in today’s evolving, fast paced times, it’s the kind of book that truly represents us, and our generation, and our minds.
It was the first book that I didn’t want to ever finish- simply because finishing it meant ‘the end’ of a beautiful thing, and the end of not-knowing what was yet to come in this unpredictable tale of two lovers, and a long wait of another 3 years to get a glimpse of her next offering.

And if you thought that was just it, all she’s famous for are these two novels, she is also the wit behind various ad campaigns over fourteen years, coming up with tag lines like- Yeh Dil Maange More, Oye Bubbly, Mera Number Kab Aayega, Nothing Official About It. Yeh Dil Maange More, is probably one of the earliest memories I have of taglines and my fascination with them, and also one of my most favourite ones, one that’s stuck with me over the years.

Yeah. That’s why I wish I was her.

Sometimes it only takes One Scene

I've spent most of my Sundays watching SRK movies on television.
I've sat through annoying advertisements, (Will someone sue Kurkure and Micromax please!) not paid attention to my food despite my mothers repeated requests and on one particular Sunday I actually spent 9 hours watching his movies. That got me thinking. Because I've seen them countless times already. And I didnt just see it because I'm such a huge fan, I also saw them because they have this way of making you want to see them. Over and over and over again.
Movies today arent like that. Nor are the actors.
In this case of course, superstars.
When I say superstar, I'm obviously refering to his unique ability to appeal to every single woman (oh well most!) and quite a few men as well in this world. His ability to make us laugh, cry, jump with joy and byheart stupid dialogues from movies dedicated to his aura, know his entrances in most movies scene by scene, frame by frame, word by word. I'm talking about that. And his wit. His sarcasm and intelligence. And that smile. And those dimples. Sigh.
They just dont make them like that anymore.
Now take DDLJ for example~
Stupid scene. Stupid scene. Stupid scene. And some more retarded stupid scenes. A series of stupid scenes one after another.
Until this one scene.
Where there is this meadow of of yellow flowers. And she runs into his arms. And they are SO happy.
Yes, im pathetic I know. And its a cliche I know. And that doesnt happen in real life ever. I know. But I cant help it.
I love that scene. Adore it. Smile like a silly 5 year old who gets candy. Weep in it. Laugh in it. Get the goosebumps. Everything.
Its one of the first movies I remember from childhood. And one of the few scenes thats stayed with me over the years and remained one of my favourites. And, it probably will be one of the eternal ones.
Same with K3G. I know his entrance by heart- frame by frame. The focus on his feet, the shot of him running, all black, and then his entrance. And his dimpled smile.
Ditto with KHNH. The boat, the New York skyline, him bumping into Naina-Sweeto, and spilling the coffee. Laughing when he hears about Sweetos idea of the second marriage. The angel prayer and his entrance, the light in their lives and the light in his room.
Overdramatised, and unreal. But oh-so-amazing. So just where, where is the next one? The KHNH of 2010, the DDLJ of this year, the K3G I've been waiting for. Where are they? Because its been too long since I saw a Hindi movie I adored, loved, and worshipped. Its been waaay too long.

Let's Count?

Because I'm in this kind of a mood-

And suddenly, in the middle of my random thoughts about todays big scary meeting, my potential excuses for not attending the dinner tonight and how much I hate what I'm doing, you come into my mind. Just like that. Out of nowhere. And you dont leave. You just dont leave. No matter what I try to think of.
Oranges, plastic water bottles, a zillion files with details of the important negotiations, a black pen, the contract I'm supposed to be reading, my cell phone, a wedding invitation that I dont want to open, the stack of magazines yet to be read, my purse, a laptop, the latest rom-com novel which I swore I wasn't going to buy, a stapler, and the ring in the first drawer that my fingers can feel- the one I refuse to look at. I let the images of everything I can see flit through my mind. Like an album.
I try to memorise them, something to forget you for a while. Thirteen things. Its not too difficult to remember.
Water bottles, the laptop, my cell phone, oranges, the contract, the wedding invitation, the ring... I pause. My fingers are playing with the ring again. I clutch it in my palm tightly. And take a deep breath.
I sigh. I stop recollecting the items.
I look at them again. I try to make them replace you.
But to no avail. Nothing distracts me from what I remember of you, of us.
Your memory, your scent, your words dont leave me. They cling to my soul, always hovering over me, never letting me be calm. You're the storm that never blows away, the dust that never settles. You never go away.
And I don't quite know what I should do about that.
I don't know if I shouold just give up and think of you, or half-heartedly continue to pretend that I'm working. I don't know if I want to lie to myself anymore.
I miss you.
And I wish you knew.
But even if you did, what would be the point?
'Cause I happen to know how this story ends. And there isn't anything happy about it.

-TUCS