Fate

Friday, August 28, 2009

I miss beaches. I love the way the waves curl up at your feet. I love the way the silence echoes. I miss being mesmerized by their beauty. I miss lying down in the sand, and looking up at the stars, with the water tickling me.
Why did i love them so much?
Maybe it had something to do with the way the stars and the sea merged at night. It was simple, pure and quiet. Silent, but awe-inspiring.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The rain continues to pour down thunderously. I hesitantly look out. The most panoramic view stares right back at me. The rain seems to have bestowed, showered this freshness onto everything it touches. I wish I could run into the rain so it would bring back the life in me. I’m in a self imposed exile, running away from problems, people and life in general.

The leaves that were dead once upon a time seem alive now. They sway and dance about, rejoicing at the power of the rain. The wind rushes through them, making them smile. I step out. The waves of rain, dance lightly on my skin, making me tremble. A cool breeze hits my face, making my hair fly. I want to fly too. I want to believe. I want inspiration. And I want this rain to make me alive too. Something. Anything.

Why this enlivening rain can’t make me happy anymore, I wonder as I fall to the grass. Not wanting to trudge back indoors, into the darkness, I lie down, breathing in the heady scent of the rain, melting into the ground, merging with the mud, to give this intoxicating vapour.
My thoughts, unknowingly, wander to you. To you, and all that you did. Doubts and guilt crawl into my mind, with a view to destroy. I try to resist the attack, I try to fight back, but I’m weak. I crumble. And soon, my tears too merge with the mud.

When I think of you, I feel no pain. That’s a good thing. But there isn’t any happiness either. Which I think is a bad thing. So I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong or what’s right. I don’t know anything that has anything to do with you anymore. I don’t even know what to do, or what to think of you anymore.

Everything is still now. I don’t know if this is the lull before the real storm, or if the storm has already passed. Nothing moves anymore. Everything is still, just like me. The scene has changed to a dark, murky and gloomy one. There is a certain uneasy calmness, almost sinister, that rests above, ready to break any moment. And so I continue to live in fear.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Maybe it was just a high-school romance.
Maybe this had to happen.
Maybe we were never meant to be together forever.
Maybe it was just the magic of first love.
Maybe this was always supposed to be temporary.
Maybe we had to break-up because of the distance.
Maybe you don’t love me anymore.
Maybe it’s for the best.
Maybe I’ll fall in love again.
Maybe we had to break up.
Maybe its over.
And maybe, maybe, just maybe, it isn’t.
The many million maybes strung together.
Yeah, that’s what I like to call hope.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

What if Bella ended up with Jacob? Would that be so bad?
What if she loved him and Edward both and just couldnt help but choose Jacob?
She and Edward are perfect together but she and Jacob would be fine too. What if Jacob is her happily-ever-after? What if?
What if all this while she has been denying what she has been feeling because none of it made sense? And then all of a sudden, a lot of it did?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

There's this girl, who is a real 'gem'.
And all i want to say is that if it wasnt for her, i dont know what i would do.
Cause she completes my sentences for me, understands my fears and problems, and most importantly calms me down. And she makes me realize that somtimes its ok to make mistakes, and sometime its ok to fall. Cause thats the way life is.
I know she will always be there for me, and i know i will too. No matter how many people i meet or where i go, she will always be the one i'll call up and scream at, and get hyper with.
And we may not talk for days or weeks or even years, but i know that even if i call her ages later, we'll still giggle over silly shit, and cry over stupid things together.
Cause this bond aint gonna go away!
Cause she is my soul sister.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

WE

All through our life we are faced by choices. Choices we make. Deisions we take.
What is right? What is wrong? Its all upto us. Nobody else does it for us.
We choose to hurt others. We choose to criticise. We choose to complain. We choose to grumble. To mope and to moan about every little thing under the sun, or even over it.
We choose not to help. We choose to be harsh. And miserly. And grumpy. And ungenerous.
We choose to be selfish. We choose to be avaricious.
We choose to be sad. We choose to be petty. We choose to be mean.
We choose to be narrow-minded. We choose to lie.
We choose to discriminate.
We choose to ignore. We choose to neglect.
WE CHOOSE.
WE.

And then who do we blame?

Friday, January 2, 2009

Thats the thing with life.
Its never the same.
It keeps changing and moving.
Sometimes its a tiny, narrow, twisty-turny lane covered with potholes and speedbreakers, that slow u down, make u want to scream and curse and at other times its this shiny, smooth highway where u live the best moments that just rush by.
It makes u go slow, it makes u go fast.
Sometimes it stops u for a long time, sometimes it just lets u go.
Sometimes u get hurt, sometimes u fall.
But isnt it all about getting up again, dusting the dirt off and going and getting what u want?
Isnt it about seizing the moment and using the opportunity?
Isnt it all about getting over ur fears and taking a chance?

It's all about lines.

The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a chance at the operating table, and then there’s the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with.

It doesn’t help to get too familiar, to make friends. You need boundaries, between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It’s all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them.

At some point you have to make a decision.
Boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in.
Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.

Here's what I know, if you're willing to take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

-Grey’s Anatomy
Season One, Episode Two- The First Cut is the Deepest

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.
Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have, for what it is.
Appreciating small victories.
Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human.

Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.

At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

-Meredith Grey
Season Two, Episode Nine- Thanks for the Memories

"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer.
Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself.
And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. And as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want. "

"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope. Against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope. "

-Grey's Anatomy

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy.

Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to the state of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were.

Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full.

Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.

-Grey's Anatomy
Season Six, Episode Twenty Two- Shiny Happy People

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull.

So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them.

The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

-Grey's Anatomy
Season 3, Episode 10- Dont Stand So Close to Me

In the eighth grade my English class had to read Romeo and Juilet. Then for extra credit, Mrs. Snyder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scafarillo was Romeo. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot.

For starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can’t have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play choice sometimes goes out the window.

At the ripe old age of 13 I was very clear that love like life is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it’s so romantic, Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got.

Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay.

I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was grown up, I'd take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and that if I did, we'd be together forever.

Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending...most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions... fate wins anyway.

-Grey's Anatomy
Season Two, Episode Eight- Let It Be