Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The End?

For the longest time now, despite my many attempts, I've had absolutely nothing to say- nothing whatseover to write about. I can't think of any topic that I want to write on which is a shame really especially because I have been thinking so much. And maybe its because I can only write when I'm annoyed which again isn't a very good thing if I want to seriously pursue this as a career. Because what am I supposed to say- I missed a deadline because no one annoyed me to the right extent at the right time? Really?

Does this as a fact completely scare me? The answer is an absolute yes. What if I've written every single thing that I am supposed to, and there will be nothing more. (Well nothing good in any case, because I am quite the expert at writing utter rubbish as this post does prove.) What if this is it? What if I never finish TUCS? While it would certainly explain why I go back to writing the same thing again and again in a different way in my book, I'd rather be clueless and writing, than aware and not writing. This inability to write something worth reading, something that actually makes me happy and stupidly proud, is terrifying. Because I can't help wondering if it is really the end. And I know its probably just writers block (again!) and it will go away eventually because its stubborn as hell and there is nothing I can do about it, I can't not worry.

And all of this brings me to yet another question. What happens at the end? We all know that there is an end to everything, nothing really lasts. And no, I'm not talking of death here, but the peaks and the decline. There will be a day, I don't know if that is today, or a few years down the line- where I really will have nothing to write about. When my writing will not be what it is today. And that's a part of life right? So what happens then? What happens when you're done with what you love doing best? What happens after the end?