Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Holding On

“Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.”
-Snoopy, Peanuts

I detest goodbyes. Honestly I do. Yes, if it involved running to the railway station just as the train was pulling out, to see the girl you love one last time simply because you realise it’s the last time you’ll ever see her (Love Aaj Kal) then I’m not complaining. Those goodbyes- the overdramatic and filmy but so heartbreakingly good ones, with some running involved obviously, the very old style ones that filmmakers today are too ‘cool’ to make, I love but otherwise, in real life I hate them.

Goodbyes generally mean that people are going away and that never is a good thing really. I hate the Departures terminal; love the Arrivals- I think it’s the one place that’s always so full of love, to quote an airlines heartbreakingly good ad campaign- "All for that one moment"- and yet I have quite a reputation, a penchant in fact for running away from things, especially problems, and complicated awkward situations, which if you think about basically implies life. I’m known for resisting change even though I know it’s futile. I’m famous for my stupidity especially when it comes to dealing with change. Goodbyes also mean waiting and I’m not patient. I’m not rational or practical or even the shutting-up-and-suffering types. I’m the moody one, who can’t to save her life figure out what sort of a mood she is in.

Also I think I hate goodbyes because they mean the end of a time- the passage of a series of moments that I’m not quite ready to let go of yet- they imply change. I’m a hoarder, I don’t like letting go. Whether it’s the notes we’ve written to each other over the years, or just random scraps of paper with meaningless lists, or even bills- I can’t bring myself to throw it all away. I write down lines, I don’t delete some texts, I love photographs. I collect unnecessary things, keep empty shoeboxes, and generally hate letting go of any kind of book- unless its Banking- that is one book I’m dying to get rid of. But I can’t just let go of it yet, I have another 2 months to be cursed with its presence. And there are other things that I wish I never had to bid goodbye to- the best example being the almost 18 t-shirt I adored- but I didn’t really have a choice.

And that’s the thing; all of this sometimes just isn’t in our hands, saying goodbye isn’t up to us. Sometimes it’s just what’s already been written and there isn’t anything any of us can do about it.
But still for once I wish time would slow down even though I really want it to fly by, because I’m really not ready to let go of my teenage just yet.


  1. also..
    i don't wanna get older and get married..!! :(

  2. You better not get married anytime soon woman. Really. And I'm waiting for your "marriage" post :D