Friday, February 18, 2011

A Year Of Getting Away With Drama~ Courtesy TUCS

Because Fiction reveals truths that Reality obscures- Jessamyn West

TUCS- Pinnacle Shall Run~
What it’s supposed to be:
The destinies of two companies remain entwined much like the hearts/lives of their owners. A novel about the highways and bye lanes of corporate India, revolving around Pinnacle & Shall Run Planes and their young, not-so-naïve CEOs- Karan and Zoya. A book that constantly flips between the past and the present, and some dreams and hopes of the future, to reveal the journey of their incredibly irrational yet delightfully endearing team.

What it actually is:

TUCS turns one today. And I’m grateful because this is a perfect excuse for me to turn hyper, to get some sinfully good chocolate cake *fingers crossed* and do plenty of drama and get away with it- not that I don’t every other day but well today I have a very valid reason. =] But more than anything else, what I’m most grateful for is the fact that I had something to turn to every time college started to annoy or depress me which it did just about every second day.

TUCS isn’t just a book, for me, it’s become a reason to live- to stay happy day after day despite the fact that I have Banking as a subject and my textbook is a curse that destroys all happiness; despite the fact that the Spewing Rubbish Bitch teaches us the only subject I care about; and despite the fact that I will fail in my fourth Semester exams because I don’t know anything. It's given me something to look forward to every time I've been disillusioned and disappointed, and it just somehow makes my mornings brighter.

TUCS got me through what could have been a very very bad year at college and so I’m more than grateful. I’m grateful for every word that I’ve ever written for TUCS in the many million places I’ve written it- irrespective of whether it’s still a part of the storyline or not, irrespective of how dramatic, foolish or impossible those incidents may have been; irrespective of how stupid or how smart I may have sounded. I love how at the end or middle of every notebook I’ve used in the last year there will be a word, a sentence or a page, and especially a moment, a memory that has everything to do with my baby.

I’d like to thank Fate for somehow making this happen, and my Accounts teacher in the second sem- for the life of me I cannot remember her name- for making accounts so boring that I actually started thinking and my thoughts led me to TUCS. And all the gorgeous views that are slowly disappearing because of this city’s unending need for “development”.
And obviously my Mom and Dad for reading TUCS over and over again, the words “airport fiction” only challenge me to write better and for basically never giving up on me despite my stubbornness.

But more than anyone else a zillion thanks to-
Ayesha- my Cristina superhero Yang, who was the first person ever to read it and for being my very rational editor. You’re my person.
Mash- for loving the kiss, for being my Thesaurus and for not complaining every time I decided to ignore you and furiously write in that black book of mine.
Apeksha- for NOT saying “It’s too long” and actually reading it instantly every time I asked you to, which just surprised me too much, and for being my BB Bitch.
Because through all the toads, the dodos, the raw potatoes and the wolves, I know we’ll be okay because we’ve got each other, and because our girlfriends really are our soul mates and boys are just people to have fun with <3
Now if only I could finish it instead of writing eulogies for all you bitches.

And Francis- yes I’m actually going to thank my college- for being the horribly boring and depressing hellhole it is because otherwise I’d never get motivated to do what I really love doing. A certain absurdly small footed Cruella- Vaishali Aunty- for making me believe I can write and for just making me who I am today.
Manu- the moronic bodyguard brother- for rolling his eyes every time I mentioned the book- my lack of experience in the corporate world being his bone of contention along with the fact that (he believes) I can’t string a few words together to sound sane even if my life depended on it.
Kriti- for wanting the happy ending, making me want it, and making me want to believe in it. And for saying all the right things, and for that one heartbreakingly right text =]

Also the unrivaled, unparalleled, incomparable Anuja Chauhan- for being the greatest role model ever and such a huge inspiration.
Grey’s Anatomy- because there simply isn’t anything quite like you. And in your seven seasons you’ve given me SO much to think over, and you gave us Mc Steamy.
But most of all Shah Rukh Khan- for existing, and for that dimpled smile, and all those extended romantic scenes in the overdramatic Bollywood movies I worship and live for.

Anyway so the point is I couldn’t have done it without you’ll and you better pray that it doesn’t take me yet another year to finish it because then I’ll continue to be the hyper, rude, cranky but awesome bitch I was this year.
Much Love.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Holding On

“Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.”
-Snoopy, Peanuts

I detest goodbyes. Honestly I do. Yes, if it involved running to the railway station just as the train was pulling out, to see the girl you love one last time simply because you realise it’s the last time you’ll ever see her (Love Aaj Kal) then I’m not complaining. Those goodbyes- the overdramatic and filmy but so heartbreakingly good ones, with some running involved obviously, the very old style ones that filmmakers today are too ‘cool’ to make, I love but otherwise, in real life I hate them.

Goodbyes generally mean that people are going away and that never is a good thing really. I hate the Departures terminal; love the Arrivals- I think it’s the one place that’s always so full of love, to quote an airlines heartbreakingly good ad campaign- "All for that one moment"- and yet I have quite a reputation, a penchant in fact for running away from things, especially problems, and complicated awkward situations, which if you think about basically implies life. I’m known for resisting change even though I know it’s futile. I’m famous for my stupidity especially when it comes to dealing with change. Goodbyes also mean waiting and I’m not patient. I’m not rational or practical or even the shutting-up-and-suffering types. I’m the moody one, who can’t to save her life figure out what sort of a mood she is in.

Also I think I hate goodbyes because they mean the end of a time- the passage of a series of moments that I’m not quite ready to let go of yet- they imply change. I’m a hoarder, I don’t like letting go. Whether it’s the notes we’ve written to each other over the years, or just random scraps of paper with meaningless lists, or even bills- I can’t bring myself to throw it all away. I write down lines, I don’t delete some texts, I love photographs. I collect unnecessary things, keep empty shoeboxes, and generally hate letting go of any kind of book- unless its Banking- that is one book I’m dying to get rid of. But I can’t just let go of it yet, I have another 2 months to be cursed with its presence. And there are other things that I wish I never had to bid goodbye to- the best example being the almost 18 t-shirt I adored- but I didn’t really have a choice.

And that’s the thing; all of this sometimes just isn’t in our hands, saying goodbye isn’t up to us. Sometimes it’s just what’s already been written and there isn’t anything any of us can do about it.
But still for once I wish time would slow down even though I really want it to fly by, because I’m really not ready to let go of my teenage just yet.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The 'D' Word

Death is really all around us. Blatantly all around us. It doesn't lurk in the corners any more, it just snatches every third person right before us. I've never given much thought to how exactly I would die but all of a sudden, being the paranoid person I am, I realise that there are an infinite number of ways that that could happen.

Everywhere I look, any topic I pick, I find a hundred reasons, a thousand things that blatantly point out our mortality- how fragile we are. We fall down, we fall sick, we lose our minds. We break our bones, sometimes we break our hearts, and sometimes we just forget it all. We eat too much, or we eat too little, sometimes we just have our sweet tooth to blame. Sometimes I just hear about people who simply never woke up.

Every time I read the paper, I hear about a new disease- a disease without a cure. I hear about people and their inability to control their minds. I hear about another disaster- environmental, nuclear, or just man- made. I hear about terrorism and war and turmoil.

At the end of the day, even if we are superheroes in someone else's lives, we are only human. And irrespective of how strong we feel we are, or how cautious, or how vigilant, someday it will all come to an end. It will all disintegrate before our eyes and the only thing we'll be able to do is look helplessly as we see someone we love disappear before our eyes. And all we'll have are the moments that have already gone by, leaving us, alone. Alone to die.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Fridays, February, Finance and the Future

Its February finally. And it's Friday. Thank God for that.
Contrary to popular belief constant interruptions like the doorbell do NOT inspire me. Especially when it happens to ring five hundred frigging million times in the day. And I just had to say that for some reason.
Coming to what I wanted to say, my eternal confusion- I didn't attend a 2 hour presentation on shares and debentures by Swaroopa Ma'am yesterday, choosing instead to write TUCS. Fortunately there was no attendance taken. But see the real reason is I'm scared, terrified even that I'll get swayed by her ecletic presence and promptly switch to Finance for my specialisation. I want to do Marketing, but there's no denying that everytime I sit down to write a page in TUCS promising myself to make it a purely Pinnacle page- full of ad campaigns and photoshoots and taglines and press releases, I get distracted and barely 400 words later I give up. I stop and start rewriting the same concept, the same dramatic turn of events and the same dialogues only now they happen in SRP and have everything to do with cash crunches, and revenue problems and loans and debentures. Not to mention the idea even of Marketing seems exhausting right now.
I'd like to use the line "Innocently, and inadvertently intrigued me." but I don't quite know where to use it. The idea of stringing together all the small bits, all the many many pages of TUCS and its many babies and editing it to see if it makes sense is exhausting to say the least. Its daunting and terrifying and it's too precious. TUCS is my baby. Which just makes this whole thing scarier. And every time I see the number of documents that have accumulated I die a little bit, well a part of me does. But I know that I can't not write it. TUCS is something that I need to get out of me, it's something, a story that I believe needs to be told, irrespective of what happens in the process.
I think I'm a closet olive lover. The other day I shockingly picked out only four black olives from my sandwich and just about died when I realised I had eaten the many zillion others. And I do remember eating green olives in my pasta and loving them the other night. I shock myself.
This post is rather random I realise, but well it's all I have to say right now.