Monday, December 27, 2010

Breaking My Heart - One Ad at a Time

There's a reason I havent written anything in SO long-
Its December and the end of another year and what a year at that. Oh and its an end of a decade as well. Sigh. Depressing, I know, I know. I remember New Years Eve 1999 and the excitement about a new millennium! And now, ten years are done. And my life refuses to slow down. Its just as obstinate as I am apparently.

I don't remember most of my life clearly but I do know this- Every year I write/think about how time flies by and I can't believe it. How is it December already? Blah Blah. This year I'm not. I'm NOT going to say time flew by, cause I know it does. And also simply cause I really just don't want to think of the future and what it holds for me. I refuse to. And I happen to be rather distracted as well.

So this December, I'm just doing what I love- After one week of watching ads painstaking I've come up with my list of the top ten for this year-

The Cadbury Shubh Arambh ads takes top place for its sheer simplicity and the use of the quintessential Hindi movie hero dialogue-"Maa kehti hai shubh kaam karne se pehle meetha khana chahiye" in the most endearing and innocent way possible. It makes you smile.

Its not been over displayed on channels so it does retain its novelty and uniqueness even months later. I know I stop and watch. Its young, fresh and raw. They found faces that seem like you and me, just anyone. And that strikes a chord instantly.The other Shubh Aarambh one- the girl running away from home brings tears to my eyes every time I see it. I swear. Yes, I'm crazy, but it is heartwrenchingly good. And I've seen it a hundred times at least. I dunno what it is. But this campaign just tugs at the heartstrings, leaves u with a warm feeling, wanting so much more!

The other ad I never get tired of watching is the Tanishq ad. Because yes, even after a 100 years, men will NOT understand how a woman's mind works. They arent supposed to in any case. And jewelry as exquisite as that, is motivation enough of think of marriage. Truly. Again, it wasnt flashed on my tv screen every ten minutes irrespective of what show I was watching, which is why I love it.

Times of India- Aman Ki Asha- what an ad, what a cause! It brought tears to my eyes every single time I saw it, more so because I do genuinely believe that people can live happily together no matter what. And they make a reference to SRK in the ad. How could anyone NOT love this ad?

Just for how annoying it is, Bingo. And that's all I'll say on the subject. Flip it :P

Coke- The new one with Imran Khan and the shadow play is fascinating for its concepts, and reminds me of their earlier Strange Love ad. The theme, styling and feel is very similar. Plus its Imran. :) Its new, smooth and slick. Very urban. Its the beginning of a change in the way products will be advertised.

The Vodafone zoozoos came and revolutionized Indian advertising! I've never seen so much variety, so much innovation and good humour in one campaign. And I've also never heard of an ad character becoming so popular that months after these ads stopped appearing on tv, people would throng markets to buy memorabilia- t shirts, cups and what not!

Tata Sky Plus- I don't like Aamir. I think he's tooo perfect. But these ads- what sheer creativity and talent. Wow!

Idea- Every single ad of theirs makes me say what an idea sirjee! I smile, take a few moments to let the ad sink in and then just wonder where all their ideas come from. Some beautiful campaigns- the elections, education for everyone, efficiency in facilities and services, saving the trees, and language-no-bar. How do the do it? How can they possibly make so many fantastic, heartbreakingly good campaigns in ONE year? How can they be so intelligent when it comes to their ads, so Indian, so rooted and so unique?

Airtel- because SRK had to be on this list without a doubt. How long does it take to tell someone you love them? How long does it take to say you're sorry? A couple of seconds? Yes.
Indigo On Time and Blackberry- They're both very modern ads, specifically targeting a younger group. The Blackerry tagline- Do what you love, love what you do is pure genius, and shows the changing face of this once-upon-a-time-reserved-for-snooty-businessmen phone. The Indigo On Time Campiagn talks about their USP- something we all want to be- On Time.

So yeah. I wish I had done at least ONE of these ridiculously heartbreakingly awesome ads. Which is why, for once, I look forward to the future. Really!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


The DogHouseDiaries- Such good stuff! And generally so bloody true :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Why I Write

Ever saw a movie and wished you were the lead character, swooping in and saving the day? The superhero that silently and broodingly saved all of Gotham city? Have you ever wished that the show you’re watching was your life? Ever read the newspaper and wished that that person was you? Ever wanted someone’s story to be yours?

Have you ever read a book and wished you were that girl- the one who said all the right things. Ever read a recipe and wished you were the cook? (Saw a tv show and wanted donuts- yes,yes, yes)

We all wanna be someone else. Do the things they’ve done, live their lives, have their stories to tell, and be applauded for that. We’ve all at some point wanted to step into other peoples shoes- irrespective of how uncomfortable or how hot those shoes are. Be it something small and simple like- saying the right thing to someone or bringing a smile to a person’s face or even scoring a goal.

We’ve all wanted to be someone else, at some point of time.

And me, I’d like to be Anuja Chauhan.

She made the lives of a zillion girls a zillion times better by writing the wickedly funny and hugely romantic “The Zoya Factor” – All’s fair in love – and cricket! (Now being made into a movie by SRK, who is a character in TZF! Sigh!) She gave us Zoya- chubby, with short hair and lots of spunk; the girl with an attitude, who waged a war with the Indian Cricket Captain- Nikhil Khoda- over a belief in luck, which was so much entertainment. When I read that book, I thought she could never top that, it was the best thing anyone had ever written in a very long time and yet I waited patiently and prayed and hoped that her next release would hit stores in the same year.

I was wrong on both counts-

It took her 3 years to write and publish her second book, and when I saw it, as a review in the Wow Magazine, I was disappointed. I swore I wasn’t going to buy it, because it was such a waste. Fifteen minutes later I went to Landmark, quite by chance actually, and coincidentally the first book I saw happened to be on the ‘New Releases’ shelf- ‘Battle For Bittora’ I picked it up, against my will, and looked at the cover (magazines don’t do it justice) and then I knew instantaneously that I was going to buy it and I was going to treasure it. Talk about serendipity.

A day later- here I am- gushing about it. And, thanking her, on behalf of all of womankind, for giving us the incredibly sexy and sinful Zain Altaf Khan. (Hereafter referred to as ZAK) ‘Battle for Bittora’ is unputdownable, not just because the aforementioned ZAK is wickedly sexy, and her words make him come alive right before your eyes, or because she uses her words so well that ZAK turns out to be this sinful, absolutely witty and a delightfully charming man but also because the war between him and Sarojini Devi Pande, (hereafter referred to as Jinni) is so charged, so crackling with chemistry and so passionate- you can feel the electric currents between them- in their love and their hate- and all their making out sessions in between a Lok Sabha election campaign, in which they’re both standing, for an MP seat, from Bittora, against each other obviously. Hence the name ‘Battle for Bittora’.

Its’ so beautifully penned, that you can’t let go of it. Both the dialogues and the emotions aid the storyline, or the plaaan, and make this book a riveting read. Both protagonists are witty, stubborn and passionate. Jinny, is the typical girl, confused and obstinate, and in love with her childhood friend- the boy she shared her first kiss with- ZAK- who disappeared from her life, only to return 9 years later to contest an election against her.

Apart from the necessary ingredients of a regular rom-com such as a boy and a girl who are madly in love and hate each other, disapproving grandmothers, annoying friends, potential boyfriend, and a flashback to a childhood romance, BFB also has an Indian election campaign- which gives it so much more masala. Caricatures of the sleazy politician, the greedy politician, the opportunist, the loyalist, the cunning opponents, the crazy grandmother and her excellent Hinglish add so much to this book, making it engaging and sharp.

BFB- you enriched my life, truly. You made me grin, wipe a few tears away, clutch my heart and take lots of deep breaths; you made me sigh, you made me laugh like I haven’t in a long time and more than anything else, you left me with a smile, once I had turned the last page over.

Yes, it’s no ‘Gone with the Wind’, or ‘The Godfather’, or ‘Catch-22’, but ‘Battle For Bittora’ is a compelling read, a book that won’t be forgotten anytime soon. And in today’s evolving, fast paced times, it’s the kind of book that truly represents us, and our generation, and our minds.
It was the first book that I didn’t want to ever finish- simply because finishing it meant ‘the end’ of a beautiful thing, and the end of not-knowing what was yet to come in this unpredictable tale of two lovers, and a long wait of another 3 years to get a glimpse of her next offering.

And if you thought that was just it, all she’s famous for are these two novels, she is also the wit behind various ad campaigns over fourteen years, coming up with tag lines like- Yeh Dil Maange More, Oye Bubbly, Mera Number Kab Aayega, Nothing Official About It. Yeh Dil Maange More, is probably one of the earliest memories I have of taglines and my fascination with them, and also one of my most favourite ones, one that’s stuck with me over the years.

Yeah. That’s why I wish I was her.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sometimes it only takes One Scene

I've spent most of my Sundays watching SRK movies on television.
I've sat through annoying advertisements, (Will someone sue Kurkure and Micromax please!) not paid attention to my food despite my mothers repeated requests and on one particular Sunday I actually spent 9 hours watching his movies. That got me thinking. Because I've seen them countless times already. And I didnt just see it because I'm such a huge fan, I also saw them because they have this way of making you want to see them. Over and over and over again.
Movies today arent like that. Nor are the actors.
In this case of course, superstars.
When I say superstar, I'm obviously refering to his unique ability to appeal to every single woman (oh well most!) and quite a few men as well in this world. His ability to make us laugh, cry, jump with joy and byheart stupid dialogues from movies dedicated to his aura, know his entrances in most movies scene by scene, frame by frame, word by word. I'm talking about that. And his wit. His sarcasm and intelligence. And that smile. And those dimples. Sigh.
They just dont make them like that anymore.
Now take DDLJ for example~
Stupid scene. Stupid scene. Stupid scene. And some more retarded stupid scenes. A series of stupid scenes one after another.
Until this one scene.
Where there is this meadow of of yellow flowers. And she runs into his arms. And they are SO happy.
Yes, im pathetic I know. And its a cliche I know. And that doesnt happen in real life ever. I know. But I cant help it.
I love that scene. Adore it. Smile like a silly 5 year old who gets candy. Weep in it. Laugh in it. Get the goosebumps. Everything.
Its one of the first movies I remember from childhood. And one of the few scenes thats stayed with me over the years and remained one of my favourites. And, it probably will be one of the eternal ones.
Same with K3G. I know his entrance by heart- frame by frame. The focus on his feet, the shot of him running, all black, and then his entrance. And his dimpled smile.
Ditto with KHNH. The boat, the New York skyline, him bumping into Naina-Sweeto, and spilling the coffee. Laughing when he hears about Sweetos idea of the second marriage. The angel prayer and his entrance, the light in their lives and the light in his room.
Overdramatised, and unreal. But oh-so-amazing. So just where, where is the next one? The KHNH of 2010, the DDLJ of this year, the K3G I've been waiting for. Where are they? Because its been too long since I saw a Hindi movie I adored, loved, and worshipped. Its been waaay too long.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Let's Count?

Because I'm in this kind of a mood-

And suddenly, in the middle of my random thoughts about todays big scary meeting, my potential excuses for not attending the dinner tonight and how much I hate what I'm doing, you come into my mind. Just like that. Out of nowhere. And you dont leave. You just dont leave. No matter what I try to think of.
Oranges, plastic water bottles, a zillion files with details of the important negotiations, a black pen, the contract I'm supposed to be reading, my cell phone, a wedding invitation that I dont want to open, the stack of magazines yet to be read, my purse, a laptop, the latest rom-com novel which I swore I wasn't going to buy, a stapler, and the ring in the first drawer that my fingers can feel- the one I refuse to look at. I let the images of everything I can see flit through my mind. Like an album.
I try to memorise them, something to forget you for a while. Thirteen things. Its not too difficult to remember.
Water bottles, the laptop, my cell phone, oranges, the contract, the wedding invitation, the ring... I pause. My fingers are playing with the ring again. I clutch it in my palm tightly. And take a deep breath.
I sigh. I stop recollecting the items.
I look at them again. I try to make them replace you.
But to no avail. Nothing distracts me from what I remember of you, of us.
Your memory, your scent, your words dont leave me. They cling to my soul, always hovering over me, never letting me be calm. You're the storm that never blows away, the dust that never settles. You never go away.
And I don't quite know what I should do about that.
I don't know if I shouold just give up and think of you, or half-heartedly continue to pretend that I'm working. I don't know if I want to lie to myself anymore.
I miss you.
And I wish you knew.
But even if you did, what would be the point?
'Cause I happen to know how this story ends. And there isn't anything happy about it.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Dear Claire,

What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

All my love,

-Letters from Juilet

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Destiny, Bridges, Love and a Realisation

"Destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love"
          - My Sassy Girl

Sigh. So okay after stopping yourself a million times, and convincing yourself NOT to fall in love about twenty thousand times you go ahead and do the very evitable-inevitable: You fall in love.
LOVE- the one thing that terrifies most of us i suppose, because we cant define it, because we cant rationalise or explain it or just brush it away as just another linear equation. Love after all isnt an everyday thing, even though it can last forever- over the days, nights and the years.
So you fall in love, and of course if you're anything like me you just cant do a single thing about it. You  just sigh silently and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. But finally you decide to do the impossible- you decide to take Fate into your own hands, decide to overcome all the bloody odds and all the stupid things that are the 'big obstacles' You forget your fears and you let go of all that worry, of all those apprehensions and you decide that its time to build that damn bridge and somehow, miraculaously, from somewhere within you, you even find the courage to cross it.
And then what?
Why do we think that this 'one' is 'the one'? Why are we so overly-optimistic, so blind? Is it just blind faith, or are we just in dire need of being needed, being wanted? Is it that potent killing agent- hope? Is it just the stupidity of the human mind? How can we expect a relationship to last? How does it last without the people wanting to kill ecah other?
My question today really is simple- Is the passion worth the pain?
Because i dont know. I want it to be, but i just dont know.
Because i dont believe in living a life of only compromise.
Because honestly, sometime i dont understand how two people can want to live with each other for the rest of their lives- i'm talking of course about love and not marriage- and most importantly i cant understand how i want that, without understanding love.
Is the passion worth the pain?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

2 Bags of Patience Please

I'm not a patient person. In fact i'm not really patient at all.
There i said it.
And i've come to realise that all our lives we have to wait for things, for most things. We spend most of our pre-teen years dying to be teens, and then all we can think of is turning 16 and then 18.
Like 18 is the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Which soon enough, we learn, its not.
We spend the entire week waiting for the weekend, we spend every hour in college waiting for the last hour.
Honestly i've come to realise that in order to get through life in one piece, and as sanely as i can, i need to be patient. I need to wait.
Because i cant get everything i want now.
And i cant continously over-obsess about those things when i'm not getting them, even though its what i always end up doing.
Its not in my hands. I cant write now even though i want to. I have to be patient and let creativity come whenever it wants to. And it probably wont come for a while, but i cant give up and lose hope right?
Because all the good things in life generally make you wait for them until it hurts so much that you want to give up.
I'm going to go and wait some more now by looking at the blank page that's been blank for quite a bit, but this time round i'll try to be patient.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

People and Pain

'No man is an island entirely unto himself' - John Donne
We cant be alone. It scares us. The prospect of being lonely in this world is not what anybody would want. So we let people into our lives. We have to. We have to take that chance. Because when we let them in, we make them a part of us. A part that will be there for us. They start to have a control over us and our emotions.
We let people in. And so we let in pain, despair and hope.
We let in chaos. We become willing partcipants in our own destruction.
We let them take a part of us, hoping all the while that we wont regret this; hoping they wont crush our dreams and hopes. We give them that power to hurt us, trusting them all the while not to.
We share stupid silly little secrets, and our deep dark desires. We share our fears and our flaws, and things we're ashamed of. We let them know our weaknesses, and our hopes. We open ourselves up to them.
I'll say it again.
We have to let people in. And so we let in the pain.
And as much as i hate it, the dark and twisty Meredith in me is back.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

You know how when you really want something you can never get it. How it’s always just out of your grasp, teasing you to chase it. And there comes a time when you can’t do anything but obsessively worry about it.
And they say that the day, the moment you stop wanting that something, you get it. And they say that that is the irony of life.

Well it isn’t.
The irony of life lies in the fact that even though you know you’ll get it the minute you stop obsessing over it, you want it so much that you can’t stop. You can’t distract yourself by the numerous distractions that life offers every day. You can’t run away, you can’t hide, you can’t not think and not plot and plan until you’re so exhausted, so tired but you still know that the day to come, and the next and all the ones that come after it will be spent in a relentless pursuit of that stupid un-solvable obsession.

Well TUCS is sort of turning into that stupid un-solvable obsession, making me continously question and second guess myself. And of course, my weird mood doesnt help at all. But I think what I'm trying to say here is that sometimes, its just better to take a step back and breathe. And even though its hard to not worry about it and even though it feels like giving up, and it makes me feel like I dont care about it enough, I know its okay.

Because sometimes you just have to take a step back, to get the bigger picture. Sometimes the silence with a friend can be so much more reassuring when compared to words. And sometimes, a good view can make you forget about everything else. =)

And as much as we hate it, its back to reality for now.

Friday, June 4, 2010

At the end of the day, i just wonder if this is worth it.
Because today is my day.
And then somehow, somehow i know it is.

Monday, April 26, 2010

It makes the world go around apparently. Forgive me for being naive, but i thought love made the world go round.
Anyway i hate the fact that Mumbai isnt winning the finals because they are fixed. Because obviously people would rather have money. Which is something i dont get. Apparently its all about something much "bigger" than a game, or a trophy, or a deserving person. Its about money.
My dad told me a week ago that Chennai would win, because the kind of money that has been put on Mumbai is insane and the underworld cant afford to lose that so obviously Mumbai would lose. Up until about ten minutes ago i was still debating with him, challenging him, and rooting for Mumbai. Now I've given up and I'm just disgusted. It's a little too late to be growing up i know, but i hate the fact that this world revolves around money. And it only does so because we make it revolve around money.
Now, i'm not denying that money is great and all of that.  I just have two points. Money is the root of most evil, and money should never come into somethings- relationships and things of merit.
Mumbai deserves to win. They've been fantastic this year. And i hate the fact that they would have won if they were the underdogs, because then the big people would all go home happy with a lot of money.
And no, i'm saying this as a disheartened supporter. If Chennai wins the final due to their brilliance i'll be happy for them. But Chennai is only winning the final because of Mumbai. So i do believe its fixed. Because i dont see why Sachin would get out so stupidly. I dont see why the MI team would drop three catches with such great stupidity that you'd think they were the bottom team and not the table toppers. I dont see why Saurabh Tiwary would hit a ball straight to a fielder at mid-wicket. I dont see why they havent sent Keiron Pollard out till now.
So yeah, i'd have no issues if Chennai won on their own strength, because if you don't realise, i would be a lot happier too to see the world not revolving around money. It would be a show of excellent sportsmanship from the Chennai side. And i would be able to go to bed peacefully.
So much for being happy.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Time really flies. My baby niece is three yers old today, which is so shocking because it was barely yesterday when she was crawling all over the place and now she wants to do gymnastics. :)
The fact that time flies annoys me. It constantly reminds me how we only have this moment, how tomorrow like today will fly away. Its not so nice to realise that i'm turning nineteen. Soon.
What is ironic though is the number of hours i waste attempting to put my pointless thoughts into words, as i continue my efforts to come up with something, that is a five on ten. And yes, this means that i'm officially back to working on TUCS.
I know it's all about seizing the moment and capturing now, and everything. I know how its now or never. I know how we are supposed to live in today because who knows what will happen tomorrow. I know all of that. I also know that if we spend too much time wondering, before we know it our lives will be over.
But sometimes, just sometimes, some things are just worth waiting for, and somethings are just meant to be, only in the future, however bleak and uncertain and out of our grasp it may be. Sometimes.

Friday, April 16, 2010

'Hey there beautiful'!!! ;)
I'm hoping that this might just cheer you up a little and maybe we'll be done with the "happyfuckingnote" and the "insert swear word" bit.
So parents can get a little crazy at times. Who knows that better than us?! And considering how we're dealing with everything we're dealing with, you think they'd spare us sometimes.
But of course life doesn't work that way.
We have annoying days, irritating days, weird days, moody days and just days.
So hang in there and maybe things will get better. Also if you dont meet me before leaving i'll hate you for the rest of eternity. Which probably wasnt the greatest thing to say to make you feel better i know but...
Technically though we really cant do anything about our parents. The only thing we can do is just make sure that we are better parents to our kids.
On second thoughts, considering what we're like i can only imagine what our kids will be like so i see how that is going to be a problem too!
But well, what i want to say is that we'll always have each other if that's any consolation. :)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I was extremely tempted to write that improper planning and non availability of power only further leads to increasing costs when compared to price trends which plunges the economy into an abyss of losses which would further detoriate the situation of recession. Then I realised that this was an Economics paper for St. Francis College for Women and not an exhaustive report on the country’s economic situation that was going to be read by the likes of Kapil Sibal and Omar Abdullah, both of them being politicians I admire.

My paper went really well, because the Ricardian theory of rent came and I love that answer. It took me almost an hour and 8 A3 sides to finish that 20 mark answer so I really think that that theory is special. Invigilating us today was a certain aJeeb Ma’am who apparently hates anyone and everyone with a vengeance. Francis that way is a pretty weird place to be in. Considering how I’m a pretty weird person and how I find Francis pretty weird I think both the pretty weirds nullify each other making Francis a normal place to be in which I find hard to believe. =]

As I’m walking down the steps to yoga class, I’m thinking about what a shopaholic said- ‘Born Indian, Buy Indian, Do Indian’ which if you must know was in reference to her maid wanting to do ‘pocha’ with a mop, instead of the traditional bucket and cloth method. While I wasn’t exactly thinking about pocha styles, I was thinking about how we love to criticize our country. OMG India doesn’t have this, it doesn’t know how to do that, and we’ll never be able to get this etc etc. In about 4 years from now, the majority of the Indian population will be the working population i.e the age group of 16-65. That I believe is our time to shine, only if we all haven’t fled to the West before the shine time arrives.

I can’t get the song ‘Papa Kehte Hain’ out of my head. It keeps popping up at all odd times. I think this is obviously because of Karan and Vishal and the time I spend thinking about Shall Run, but the thing is that they are already famous, with the Shall Run empire. So technically the song doesn’t apply to them no?

I believe in Fate a lot. Which is obvious considering how my blog is titled Fate. I was brought up believing in Fate and hard work both, but I do like to blame Fate once in a while for the things that happen in my large extended family. I’m seriously thinking of scrapping ‘The Unnamed Corporate Story’ and working on a family pot-boiler which has everything from poisoning to police stations and parental conflicts and honeymoon couples, card rooms, construction and cars.

Also considering how my parents and I have taken almost all our major decisions through chits, I’m surprised that they didn’t name me using chits. And now when I suggest chits, all I get is two dirty looks. I can't help it. I really do miss picking chits. The motivation speech that my mom was giving to me in GVK One really resembled a Hindi movie pot-boiler, complete with stuff about the enjoying the future by working hard now. There came a point where I did actually ask her to stop because there were people looking for the cameras since they thought we were the lead actors. =]

There is one leading English newspaper daily that claims that Sania-Shoaib are already married, while the largest circulated English daily in South India claims that the marriage might be put off. Why does everybody report differently? It only confuses me when all I want to do is drink coffee and read about what is happening all around me. Also I'm dying to watch IPL but I don't think that I'm very lucky for KKR although my dad is. He, being he, refuses to watch their matches, ensuring that they lose.

There is some kind of happiness in eating your own parathas. I’ve never been happier eating Chicken 65 and paratha as I was today, simply because I made it. Ditto with the brownies. Now all I need to do is to learn how to make the chicken as well., so that we don’t have to keep calling the Ex Stone Valley Canteen Cook – Antaryami, (I swear that is his name) every time I’m starving which is pretty much all the time considering all the swimming that’s been happening.

I finally found the perfect twist for ‘The Unnamed Corporate Story’ because when I discussed what I had in mind, my dad said it was perfectly possible, which removed all the doubts from my mind. This also means that I won’t have to ‘iron out the details’ of a love puppy as Miss I-have-copyright-on-lovechild suggested which honestly is a huge relief, because it means I can get back to writing finally. Love puppies aren’t exactly as motivating as corporate troubles. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to be mailing it to the two people who want to know what happens anytime soon because I want to be a little sadistic.

Oh and then there is also the small problem that writing such a big problem requires a lot of research and patience, neither of which I like. Considering how long I had to wait to get, discuss, and finalize the idea, and the execution hasn’t even started, I think it’s only fair that you guys have to wait for some time to read it.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

This is going to be a very random one, because the day I had was pretty random too.

I wish neatness wasn’t a prerequisite for the accounts paper I wrote today. It’s really not my fault that I kept changing my mind about how I wanted to treat the depreciation, or if I wanted to capitalize life membership fees. It’s also not my fault that I kept interchanging October and July and that matters because we need to find depreciation accordingly for 6 or 9 months. It really isn’t. Of course it’s another thing that yesterday was spent in researching books at Landmark, bitching with cousins and debating about whether or not we had an exam due to the riots. And not studying. Also it wasn’t exactly very nice, when I kept remembering lines from my book, and ideas to make them better during my paper, not only because it made me copy all the wrong amounts in the wrong places but also because I couldn’t note down these suggestions anywhere. And now they’re gone.

My horoscope was unusually right today. Surprisingly enough, both the papers predicted different stuff, and both the horoscopes came true.

“There may be a minor mishap, resulting in an arm or leg injury. It’s the right time to execute your ambitious plans. You may have to be strict with your subordinates at work.”

I fell down and twisted my ankle. I also succeeded in cutting my leg with my own toe nail. The levels of my intelligence surprise me every day. In spite of knowing that this might happen, I still let it happen. Maybe it’s because they generally write crap, so on the one day they decide to actually predict my future, I really don’t pay attention. I know it’s just the right time for the execution, but I’m not finished yet, so my ambitious plans will have to wait for a little bit more. And I don’t have subordinates, so I cant be strict with them.

“Every time you think you’re finished with an assignment or task, it will turn out that there is one last detail that needs attention. It’ll be frustrating, but it won’t last. Remember: one step at a time. If you try to do everything at once you will certainly fail.try to keep your vision focused on what you are trying to achieve. Remember that criticism can be helpful.”

The last detail is so true of my book, because every time I think that I have 5 perfect pages, there is always an XX somewhere because I still have to fill in a name, or a date, or an age and even at one place a colour. I cannot even choose a colour nowadyas without thinking it through. Also I do realize that I cannot study for accounts, and write my book at the same time. Which is why I chose to write my book instead because I’m focusing on finishing it. Criticism was indeed helpful, when my mother pointed out that it was impossible for teenagers to be so efficient in life, so I might as well be a little realistic and make them 23 or even better 25. Clearly she doesn’t realize how efficient I am. Or maybe they're lying to me and I'm actually 20 years old, which would explain all the not wanting to grow up sadness.

Since I’m in such a writing mood these days, I often think that I should just chuck my MBA plans, and stick to writing all my life. Then I remember how moody I am, and I won’t exactly be allowed to write about whatever I want to, considering how half the time I don’t know what I’m writing about. Then I also remember the internship, and how I longed to do the advertising.

There is this song that is stuck in my head. Considering how its about cocaine, living fast, dying young, divorcing models, forgetting love and lots of other things that i wont talk about, i dont know why i like it so much. Maybe i was 'fated' to be stuck with it. It refuses to budge even an inch; it refuses to leave my mind. I think it’s just as stubborn as me. So we’re involved in this battle, neither of us can win. My parents do not understand why I need to listen to so much of music, but quite often music is my inspiration to write. That and nature of course. There was a spectacular rainfall two days ago. Yes, spectacular is my new favourite word which means ur gonna have to read it a lot. Maybe that feeling of being in awe of nature, of feeling so insignificant, so impossibly tiny in front of the beauty that surrounds us makes me write.

The sun peeps at me from behind a curtain of clouds only to hide again. The first drops of rain fall asking me to let go of my fears. The sky is overcast and joyful. The stormy winds are spreading dust over everything, concealing all that there is. Much like man and his cloak of pretences. The roar of the wind engulfs us all, demanding our complete attention. And the quiet rainfall only reminds us of the serenity of life whose absence continues to plague us.

The smell of the first few drops of rain mingling with the earth’s mud takes control of my mind. I can’t seem to concentrate on everything. It’s the smell of the bacteria, Actinomycetes, that grows in the soil that produces spores when it rains, which my biology teacher told me in the 10th, and it seems to have this peculiar way of controlling my mind. I really cannot think. I just sit in one place, and continue to smile. Which isn’t such a bad thing after all. Because after all that smiling, I do write a lot.

It’s a totally different thing though that when I look back on all that I’ve written today, I find most of it crap, and nothing of substance and nothing that’s good enough for my book, save for a few sentences that no one would probably notice anyway. Okay fine, nothing except for a few fab sentences that I’m in love with and that I know by heart even though they aren’t that amazing.

My book feels like my baby, not that I would know what having a baby feels like but. So I hate the fact that I’m going around calling it ‘The unnamed corporate story’ which is what it’s saved as on my laptop. I actually went to the extent of having a discussion as to whether people would buy a book called ‘The unnamed corporate story’ and then I went ahead to chop myself by saying that I certainly wouldn’t buy such a book, because if I had the creativity to write a book, that got published, I would have the creativity to name it something better than ‘The unnamed corporate story’ Because honestly would you go around calling your kid, ‘The unnamed brown eyed girl’ just because you couldn’t think of a spectacular name for her?

Considering how I’m not really writing anything that’s worth reading, I’m going to go now. Where, you may ask. But of course to ‘The unnamed corporate story’ and its countless XXs.

Monday, March 29, 2010

It pretty much screws us up. A lot. And i know that i've said this before, but this time its something different that i have to say, so listen.
It makes us go mad with the waiting. The waiting for just one text to light up your phone. The waiting for that one perfect meeting, that one perfect sentence. The need for that one sweet line. The promise of a better tomorrow. The disappointment, the hope, the way we give ourselves up. The anticipation of that one perfect moment that will ensure happiness. The deep desire to just be with that person that fills you up until you cant think of anything else. The way it messes with our hearts and souls and minds so much that we cant think. For what?
For some guy to disappoint us? For someone to say that it's over. For someone to just want to be friends?
Just so that we can hurt ourselves? Again?
It rips us open, exposes our weaknesses, and really really hurts because another person that we gave a bit of ourselves to, walked away.
But we cant give up, can we?
Because at the end of the day, love is all that gets us going. And someday, someone will make you feel like you've never felt before. And irrespective of anything else, you'll know that everything else was worth it. Because that is the thing with love.
Its a four letter word, that does not make any sense to anyone, and its not supposed to.
I know that three words, eight letters is all it takes to tell someone how you feel.
But i also do know, that just that one sentence isnt enough for a relationship to work. Which is why when you find the right person, you'll know what to do, and how to do it.
Till then we can only wait right?
And considering how i have an exam in about 2 hours, i think i should probably shut up and go now.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
-Meredith Grey
Grey's Anatomy
Season 5 Season Finale- Now or Never

Monday, March 22, 2010

Kriti Patell.
(The last time i wrote about my gem twin, you weren't sure if it was you! As if could ever be someone else!)
You do so much for me that i cant even begin to put it in words. Here's my miserable attempt though!
You are one amazing girl!
You know exactly what to say when to me, and most times i dont even have to finish what i'm saying, for u to understand. :) After talking to you my fears seem insignificant cause u always calm me down.
You've given me the best advice always!
When i say 'What would i ever do without u?'
You tell me, 'You'll never have to find out!'
And i know that ul always be there for me, the way i'll always be there for you!
You tell me stuff that makes my day! And you also message me the right things! :P
Here's to a lifetime of screaming excitedly about stupid things, and always being there for each other!
And yes, i love you too jaan! :)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The world continues to spin around me.
I hope that it will stop for a moment so that i can catch my breath, but even as the wish comes into my mind, i know just how impossible it is. Everywhere i turn to look, i see a glimpse of you.
Your shadow in the dark daylight beckons to me.
I'm tempted to follow it.
Your eyes never leave mine. No matter where i go.
I try to look away, i try not to get magnetized, but i know that its only a matter of time.
Only a matter of time before i fall again.
The stars, the moon,
They have all been blown out,
You left me in the dark,
No dawn no day,
I'm always in this twilight,
In the shadow of your heart.

-Cosmic Love

Friday, March 19, 2010

I look up to see you looking at me.
The image of your face is etched in my mind and my eyes refuse to see anything else.
When i'm standing in the canteen line or when i'm giving my presentations; whatever it is i can always feel your presence.
The sound of your voice whispering in my ears haunts me.
Everywhere i go i take a part of you along.
I know i'm probably losing myself to you, but losing to you doesnt seem so bad.
The strings of hope bind me to you. Forever and always.
I know i should embrace the fact that it probably means nothing to you, but instead i choose to drive that impossibly right thought out of my mind, banish reality and finally sucuumb to denial.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Relationships are not easy. They were never supposed to be easy, and they probably never will be.
There is a very valid reason why the phrase 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' came into existance, and this very reason makes us fall in love, and then promptly screws us up.
It's not easy to understand people or their decisions, it isnt easy to sacrifice, its not easy to let go of our individual wants, and most importantly it isnt easy to adjust.

So then what?
Do we just stay broken-hearted till another man comes along and breaks our heart again?
Or do we endlessly wait in search for that perfect man, who watch match our sensibilities, only to realise that he doesnt exist? Or do we resign ourselves to our Fates and settle down with 'Mr. Right only till Mr. Right comes along'?
Or do we end up in relationships of conveniance?

I know the answer lies in finding that person and spending the rest of your life with them, but that's not easy at all. It's not easy to love someone when they let you down, or when they blow you off, when they forget things. It's not easy to love someone on a Monday morning. It's not easy to love someone in the middle of an arguement.
It's not easy to love someone all the time.

In every relationship there will be a time when we hate the other person, a time when the other person hates us, and an even worse time when both hate each other. The key to a lasting relationship is to survive those times. To try to love a person even when you hate them.
And to love a person even when you hate the fact that you're in love with them.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I'm not sure where I'm going with this one, so bear with me. Its going to be a long story, or a short novel! I've just written bits and pieces and i'm going to put them up in that jumbled up, messed up order.

I bit my lip. Not in worry or exasperation but just out of habit. I turned my head to see him turn his away.

So he had been looking at me.
So he had been looking at me.
So he had been looking at me.
So he had been looking at me.
So he had been looking at me.

Right. I should probably just stop now. But I suppose the mental rejoicing was better than me actually breaking out into a war dance in the middle of an extremely boring (sorry Anuj!) Annual Board Meeting of Pinnacle, which, I’d like to add, we ran.

As Anuj droned on, I couldn’t help but take my eyes off the lackluster, mind-numbing presentation being given on the company’s financial assets and investments, policies and position in the Indian market (blah blah blah) I didn’t want to know in the first place, so I decided to look at some better options. And I had to make sure he was okay. I snuck another peek at him. His eyes were glued to the screen a little too artificially. (But I guess I was the only one who could make out. Everyone else thought he was so focused and that I was so fidgety.) He was giving those fake intellectual nods. The I’m-not-really-listening-to-you-but-you-will-never-know-this-cause-I’m-so-good-at-pretending-that-this-is-great nods. How the hell could he keep a straight face in THIS meeting? I had seen even Jai Sir smiling. And finance was his baby!

The meeting got over an excruciating twenty minutes later. My extremely valued contributions to the meeting were, “Good Morning.”, “Right.” and “Ok.”

What a way to spend the morning. I didn’t get investments in any case. My world had nothing to do with them, which is precisely why we had hired some of the greatest minds in this field. I had them so I wouldn’t have to worry about finance. And on a fantastic Monday morning (when you love your work, Monday mornings are really fantastic!) I had spent 45 minutes listening to finance. Wow. I could have actually gotten some actual work done by now.

I hurriedly made my way across to him, not wanting to waste another minute. We had to talk about our next ultra-important client. (And I was supremely elated to have him as a client! :P) As I reached, he turned around (see we were perfectly in sync!) (Who was I trying to convince here?) Anyway that isn’t the point. His eyes met mine, (no that’s not the point either!) (And no, it wasn’t a typical DDLJ scene, much to my chagrin!) He had brown eyes- kind, soft, happy brown eyes.

“We need to talk.” I said this with as much professionalism I could summon up.
“I know.” He agreed. “I’m sorry that I left without telling anyone.”
“Yeah. Not about that.” I didn’t want to bring that up now. It was a story for another time, another place, and it sure as hell didn’t belong here. Right now, nothing mattered except for the client.
“Oh. What did you want to talk about?”
I handed him the file. His eyes widened as he took it all in. Then with an incredulous expression, he said, “How the hell did you manage to get him?”
“Talent!” I smiled, trying to control my laughter at his expression.

Even though I was smiling, I could feel the anger rising. Why did everyone react like that? Like they couldn’t believe that I was capable of doing anything worth talking about, when I had actually made this company from scratch. (Except for the finance part obviously.) He didn’t mean it like that I know, but it was still annoying. His was a more I-really-cant-believe-how-fantastic-you-are-and-I’m-so-lucky-to-have-this-company-with-you.
Okay maybe not so much but I might as well praise myself as much as I can while I’m getting the chance! :P

He was still staring at me, not willing to accept the facts, and I was in no mood to waste any more time. We had a ton of things to get done, and a ton was such an understatement. And we were running out of time. For once, I was glad that he had a private jet, ‘cause I sure as hell needed it today. I think one of the greatest advantages of having a team like ours was that we all had different USPs.

Growing up, we all had friends; whose closets we’d raid for matching accessories, shoes, clothes… the list is endless. With Karan it was an entirely different matter. He was a fantastic engineer, so we had science as well, but more importantly he had his own airlines and a bevy of private jets and yachts for all of us to raid.

We had Jai Sir, the finance guru, a man of numbers, and he had one of the sharpest minds I had seen in a long time, who was also Karan’s dad, and the person (probably the only one who could convince me to take such a huge chance, and Karan is probable the only one who could have given his father this absolutely crazy, but oh-so-perfect idea.) who convinced me that I could break away and start Pinnacle on my own. I then convinced him to join the Board, because he and Karan were financing Pinnacle anyway.

We had Shekhar, a whiz with logistics, and honestly I don’t know what I’d do without him, spouting numbers of prime importance out of his mouth every 5 seconds. With Shekhar and Jai Sir it was always a war of numbers, where the calculator was mightier than the sword i suppose! They were constantly debating costs, revnue and profits and target consumer statistics, and demographies.

Sanjana, my P.A. looked as though she had had tons of sugar candy, with the kind of energy she had, and the enthusiasm she displayed in fielding off calls, stopping people, co-ordinating all kinds of things that looked like they could never be co-ordinated as long as the sun rose from the East. This was the closest inner-circle at Pinnacle. And I dont mean to sound arrogant, but we sure as hell were the best.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I look out of the window and i see a road that is unusually unfamiliar.
I've travelled on it everyday for so long, but i still can't seem to find my way.
I dont know these roads, and i dont know where they are taking me, but i do know that even if there were a way to get off this track, i probably wouldnt take it anyway.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

A year has gone by and its hard to believe.
I know we say the same thing each year, but this time, this time so much has really happened, so fast that i've had no time to catch my breath.
Most importantly i can't seem to shrug off this feeling of being a grown up.
This sense of responsibility that fails to go away, colouring everything i do or say.
So i figured its here to stay.
This year I'm going to try and write stuff which i normally don't.
I'm going to try and write better (hopefully) and with more maturity.
And i'm also hoping that this year, is just as great as the last. :)