Friday, December 18, 2009

Dear Jake,
I want you to hold on to me, not this frightening prospect of being alone.
So why dont you hurry up, and imprint on me?

We lie. We cheat. We turn disloyal.
We break down. We break things.
We lose control. We become impatient.
We cry. We turn to violence.
We act without thinking. We jump to conclusions.
We lust for things.
We become greedy and thirst for power.
Ambition. Anger. Impatience. Envy. Sloth. Lust. Greed. Arrogance. Ignorance. Gluttony. Wrath. Pride. Stupidy.
They make us who we are.
They aren't weakness. They actually happen to be our inner strengths.
What we fail to see, is that our flaws are the things that make us want to do more, to achieve more, and to try once more.
Each one of us has them. No one is perfect.
But its these flaws that make us perfectly unique and our tireless endeveours to get rid of them, make us imperfectly charming.
Can one be one hundred percent original?
Is it even possible?
Is there anything to say that hasn't been said before, shown before or written before?
Doesn't everything bear some amount of resemblence to something done earlier?
Is there anything left that hasnt been thought of?
Or is this just me being cynical?
You look at me.
I'm blinded by the twinkle in your eyes.
You  mesmerise me with your clever words.
And then you claim not to know the skill of hypnotising people.
Your eyes follow me everywhere, shrewedly noticing everything, saying nothing.
And when i turn to see if you are there, you melt away in the shadows of uncertainity.
You tease me.
You entice me and then you walk away nonchalantly.
Like nothing ever existed and there was no promise of tomorrow.
And maybe there was never anything said.
And maybe it means nothing to you.
But i cant help but get the feeling that there is so much more left untold in our story...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Warning: Ayesha this is Grey's Anatomy Season 5. So if you don't want to know, dont read...

Cristina: (pushes Owen) Take care now? What is that? What are you like, you're all happy now? What are you? Just a choke 'em and forget 'em kind of guy?

Owen: (pulls out piece of paper, hands it to Cristina)

Cristina: Hey there now. Take care now. Nice work Yang. What is this?

Owen: It's my shrink. My shrink gave me these sentences. We ah, we came up with them together. They're all 3 word sentences. So I could have something to say to you instead of the 3 words that are... that are killing me. The 3 words that you know I feel but I can't say them, because it would be cruel to say them, because I am no good for you. I don't wanna torture you. I don't wanna look at you longingly when I know I can't be with you. So, yeah I'm smiling, and I'm saying take care now. I'm letting you off the hook. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to let you off the hook. I'm trying to make it right. What I did to you. Can't you see that? I'm just trying to make it right.

Cristina: (gives the paper back) Take care now.

Grey's Anatomy
Season 5
No Good At Saying Sorry

Monday, December 14, 2009


These are some questions that hound me all the time. So i'm voicing them out here, in the jaded hope that i might just get some answers even though they may seem a bit too intimate-

1) What matters more- Physical compatibility or intellectual? Would you rather be with a guy who turns you on intellectually, who can tease you with his words, but there may be no sparks. Or would you be with a guy who you can get it hot and heavy with, but you really cant talk to. 'Cause irrespective of how much u try to convince yourself otherwise, the physical chemistry does matter. A lot.

2) This is strictly with regard to the people i know, and not on a global level- Divorce rates in love marriages are more than the ones in arranged marriages. Why? Is it because we're- incapable of choosing the right person or blinded by what we think is love or not willing to adapt and adjust.

3) Would you sleep with a guy before getting hitched to him? Obviously physical compatibility is important, so would u, if you thought he was the one? Also, what if you guys sleep together and-
a) It's fantastic, but you break up
b) It's pretty bad, but you think he's the one.
Worse still, if you decide not to do it before and you  guys do end up being married and its awful, then what?

4) I was in a very consuming relationship, and i was totally emotionally involved. In a matter of less than two months, i was completley over it, and crushing on someone else. Yeah.
It shocks me. I wonder if i'll ever be able to settle down with one guy, if i can get over them so easily. Though i suppose i should be thankful for it. My point being that i think i need so much from a guy, that i dont think that one guy will have it all. Honestly.

5) According to Hindu mythology, God is supposed to take birth on earth and free us from all evil.
What if, God took birth and no one noticed? Or cared? What if God failed? What if we were all so immersed in ourselves, in corruption, and terror that we failed to see what God wants us to see?
Also, God is supposed to rest in each one of us. So haven't we all killed the God in us, by doing something or the other? I believe that some force exists, there is someone who controls the bigger picture. So while i may not believe in religion, i do believe in the presence of someone else. So how is that someone letting all that is happening, happen? Are we going to spend our lives 'Waiting for Godot?'

6)  Most Indian men (or is it just men all over the world) are hypocrites. They all want progressive young women, who wear the western clothes, dance in pubs, and of course sleep with them. But the minute you want to settle down, they want you to stay at home, and not work, and more importantly sacrifice your wants, to make their "dreams" come true. Somehow i really dont get that, and i'm not a big fan of it either.

7) Why do serials, and movies, and stupid chick-lits have such a catastrophic effect on girls, even when we know better than to dream? Why do we love the happily-ever-afters when we very well know that reality is nothing like it? Are we sadistic or stupid?

8) Why do all girls believe in the boy turning sensible, after he's done something really stupid, even when we know that most boys are incapable of understanding us? When something goes wrong, why do we support our BFFs and tell them that 'Dont worry he'll turn around'. or 'He'll finally realise that he misses you' or ' No he's not a jerk. He must be having a genuine reason', when most guys at this age are jerks? Not only are we stupid, we are also crazy enough to defend that useless Romeo who is no good for our best friend, till we go blue in the face.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I wonder why people find it necessary to repeat things.
We form set patterns, follow certain cycles.
These almost serve as rules to us and we continue to follow them.
And for what?

Why do we say the same things again and again?
More importantly why do we do things again and again?
Why don’t we ever learn from our mistakes, and why, why do we not learn to stop hoping?
Why don’t we ever learn to give up on certain people because they are simply NOT going to change?
Why don’t we decide to put an end to all the crap?
Why do we engage ourselves in these silly cat and mouse games?
Why do we listen to meaningless stuff all the time, and sit around watching when it is replayed to ten other people?
Is it because we love the people in our lives so much, or is it because we're all a little off in the head?
In this mad world, where everything moves at breakneck speed, and it’s do or die, how is it that we find it in us to waste precious time by doing the same stupid things again and again?
This irony amazes me, and the fact that we don’t question it, amazes me even more?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I read another chick-lit last night- Right Fit Wrong Shoe.
I dont know why i'm so obsessed with them, when i've clearly accepted that real life is nothing like the fantasies they talk about.
Its only bad for my well-being because in those two hours that it takes me to finish it, I'm back in La La land.
And i'm sitting around dreaming about stupid frogs turning into charming princes.
At the end of the book, i finally realised that it was pretty lame.
And the lead couple broke up for a pointless reason, making the entire book pretty much pointless.
(A=B, B=C, Hence A=C!)
And i still loved the book.
Sometimes i really don't get myself.
My point here being, (yes i do have a point!) that is it so bad to ecape from reality for a few hours everyday?
And will this lead to me shifting back permanently to fantasy land?

Friday, December 4, 2009

Sometimes no matter how much you prepare yourself for an event, somethings will take you by surprise. Sometimes irrespective of how much you push something away, it stays there, glued to you.
Sometimes you realise that even though you've been pushing this thing away, all you want is this thing.
So then what do you do?
When you know everything, and when you know how wrong it is, when you know that you arent that kind of person, and you still cant get a grip on reality, how do you stay away?
I look out of the window.
I try to distract myself by the thundering of the engine and the clinking of the wheels.
I try to get your picture out of my head.
But its become the wallpaper of my heart.
I know i chose to glue it there.
And i know it was a very stupid mistake.
But i did it anyway.
And even though i'm sorry about it, i'm also elated.
I always knew i was a true Gemini.
I always expected to be the rope in the tug of war between the heart and the brain.
Mind vs Matter.
But this, this i did not expect.
I didn't ever think that i would completly side with one side of the arguement.
That i would so wholly and solely want this.

That even after knowing everything, and knowing that what i want may never happen, i would still want it.
That i would still want you.