Thursday, October 29, 2009

Girl: I forget how nice you can be, and you obviously HAVE to remind me.
I don't want to feel like this, except it feels amazing.
So since you have all the answers, tell me, how am I supposed to stop falling in love with you?

Boy: Do you really want the answer?

Girl: Yes, 'cause this is driving me insane. I can't help but fall for you, and you being you, don't stay away. So tell me how to stop.

Boy: I love you. That's the only answer I have for you. I have no idea how to stop 'cause if I did I would have stopped myself a long time ago. When it comes to you I'm powerless. All I know is that I want you. And I want you to want me.

Girl: Well, so you don't have a solution for once then?

Boy: Seriously?

Girl: Seriously.

Boy: Oh, I do. I always do. Come with me. Marry me.

Girl: That's your answer?

Boy: It's my question. I've taken a step forward, and you can choose to meet me halfway or not.

She takes a step forward.
They kiss.

Now why does this NOT happen in real life?

We can say what we want to say, but we can’t feel what we want to.
It’s hard to keep the thoughts from coming into your mind. It’s hard to stop wondering, especially when you have so many unanswered questions lying before you. It’s not easy to forget. Or forgive. It’s not easy to laugh.
But sometimes, just sometimes, it’s the only thing you can do.
And when you take that one small baby step, you realise that it’s the single most giant leap you’ve ever taken in your life, and you’re free-falling off a cliff. Will your parachute open? Only time can tell.
But if you just breathe for a second, you’ll realise that you’re on a high like never before, and nothing can get you down. You’re finally free, and you’re finally happy.
That’s all it takes.
One baby step. At a time. No rushing.
Sometimes I don't recognise myself. I say things that I would never have admitted to, I dream of stuff that I would never even have thought of, and beyond all reason and logic I hope.
I want things I know I cant have, and the funny thing is that I'm okay with not having them NOW. I just want them at some point in my life.
I can't help but wonder if everything that's happened in my life in the past couple of years, was just a way for me to understand this.
Today I know that I can be happy alone. Today I see myself in a way I had never imagined.
Today I see a reality in front of me which I'm okay with, even though there shouldn't be a single reason for me to be happy with it.
Even as I cry about being so blind to the obvious, I still know it's foolish to regret.
I can't help but feel that there is something.
Despite everything that I know, and all the sense that it makes, it still feels like our story isn't over. Like there is an unwritten epilogue, waiting for us to come together so it can be enacted.
For once I don't mind waiting for Fate to take it's course.
I'm happy. And I know I'll be happy even if my dream remains a dream.
But I can't help but feel like there is something that holds us close. Something that's kept us all this while.
Something we are yet to discover.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

There are so many ways to look at one thing, so many ways to interpret it, that it gets too ovewhelming and too confusing. We need to filter through so many emotions and opinions before we come to a conclusion. Every decision requires so much of analysis, and preparation. You need to second guess yourself at every step, and prepare for all the worst case scenarios. There are a million legal formalities, and endless precautions before you do something. There is just SO much involved, and so much at stake.
Being an adult.
It scares me.
Then there are those adults. The ones who get everything bang-on-right. All their decisions are like a stroke of genius, and where nothing majorly ever gets screwed up. The dream world where everyone wants to live, but is scared to, cause even a single mistake is the end. It's unusual. It's so close to perfection that you're awed.
That scares me even more.

But what scares me the most are the adults who dont act like adults- the ones who fail to take any kind of responsibilty for their lives or for the lives of others. They take decisions without considering anything and while that may be great once in a while, after a point of time, it begins to hurt their loved ones, and they ignore that. They throw away their lives, and i just dont get that.
I dont.